Ordin'ry Passenger

The Calm Center of a Fistfight

2011-11-21T07:52:00.000-08:00

how am i supposed to believe anythng you say
because its better that way
you wear your ribbons and medals
everyone needs to be recognized
ive run out of reasons to show off
ive been rewarded ignored and deported
feeling hemingway 61
at least in sun valley there was a little sun
we’re all tryin to vibrate
be happy straight with gods
make some noise and get off
seems silly to sit still
there’s plenty of darkness to shake
and fear to fake.
its not every day i make a woman feel like a girl
im just tryin to feel connected in this world
Your lips crowd my mind and rise above the din.
Your needles stick my heart and sting like open cuts and gin.
the past is so exhausting
are you a passenger or an extra in a cowboy film
dont let fear fool ya
take your time and look at me
this aint no fleshy mercy killing
and she is guilty of an online truce
of ones deleted in a last line mood
and once percepted of a long line truth
shes waiting there
she builds a place around her heart that
saves her coming leak
you might be the sheriff
but of which county?
your black and white dont look right
the laurels have never been comfortable
and i dont remember from where you know me from
cast aside your desideradatum like slavery
and junkmail
few things are built to last
your pain wont decay if you like it that way
a reliable friend there to kick you tin the shins
all aboard your bowery boys they like to bore me
I’m in the calm center of a fistfight

theres no time to be shocked by the truth
I never had the luxury to rest on the family
you can always ask me for a ride
but make sure the pressure's never applied.
THE stage is set to burn a hundred colored faces
in hurried reels of 3 track traces
your car is met protested paces
insulated from the suffered gazes
restless lawns with fantastic views
the argument artist and faded widow
dirty nails and broken calendars
the classical matrimonial sadists.

Glad Girls, South Sound Bureau Chiefs Sat. July 16 @ Comet Tavern

2011-07-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/nmillward3#!/event.php?eid=110248019071025

Trendy North Ender

2011-01-31T17:09:00.000-08:00

Trendy North Ender 1994

Winterization

2010-11-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

I know where all your valves are
I know all your obstacles
I know how your controller is.
I'll watch my head
My knees know this hardscape
I'm familiar with that worried look on your face
every fucking year
I've noticed how you've softened
I've noticed how you've withdrawn
Thanks for surrenedering this process to me finally
Thanks for not asking anymore
about that one guy
that used to work here
One of these years
Your main shut off is gonna break
and it's going to cost a lot to fix.
I'll be thrilled to do it.

2010-10-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

I think you gotta live life like it could all end in a terrible plane crash.
I think its wise to be foolish and alright to waste a little bit of time ruing and being embarrassed.
You're always gonna come out the other side.
Caution not to hurt others, but dont tiptoe
I woke up really happy about the small house I live in, and Im glad Im a renter, and Im glad Im not jailed by money.
Im grateful for the love and the guitars.
i love my town and its problem
ive got coffee and cats, and today not a hangover
ive got the courage to beat the blues most days
i cant wait to be 40

2010-08-19T06:58:00.000-07:00

i know theres a pretty smellin world somewhere
and I know there's some friendly air beyond
where I'm fetal and afraid
its hard to see when i'm too far inside me
there's some accidental good sometimes
be quick to drink from that spring

2010-08-18T06:28:00.000-07:00

This is the stagnant Groundhog day
this is the way you age
when you dont pick your spot
and spin dizzy
but not crazy enough to be taken away
just ignored and punished passion
wilted talent salad
a shovel handle manhood sentence
sunburnt drunk and desperate

–$41,183.42Net Worth

2010-07-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

Only forty one gees in the hole
climbin out blind like a mole

The local entertainment

2010-04-05T06:57:00.000-07:00

I'm in the entertainment industry. The black market variety. I distort and fabricate my personality and project it in a million tiny pieces in small rooms. In a small market I hawk my wares and lose my focus. I'm still compelled to this ritual, but fear dissolution. I need to find my center again soon.

2010-03-13T08:39:00.000-08:00

tryin to choose a better nature
and let go of that tempting battle line
peace can be a buttoned down short hair thing
militarism is corny and square
unsustainable, obsolete
a dinosaur paradigm animated by fabricated fear
peace to me aint no flowers and incense
it's hammers and shovels, rebar and concrete
tough guy shit.
A pasty double chinned bald suit who justifies war
is a coward and a weakling
with a soft dick and soft girlish hands
fetished and sweaty
desperate for agency

had to get this spasm down quick.

2009-09-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

capture the draft
of monaural mystery
begging the raft hunt baggery
bolshevic midnight grunt
history buff magic
system wide michegan
generate
pistol

OTR

2009-08-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

there are certain things that resist entropy
la cucaracha and sagebrush
Bruce Willis cannot own this
There are the things that disappear
like the Usual Gang Of Idiots that I remember:
Berg, Drucker, Aragones, Prohias, Torres, DeBartolo etc
picked up a copy of Mad at the stand- $5.99 Cheap!
They never used to have ads.
The Letters and Tomatoes Dept. is still intact
the dirt roads and the barbed wire, the cowshit and the clouds
you cant choose the place you lose
some stick around.
I could take you to the quakies
but your name might disappear-
the stream may take the trees away next year
it hurts to be alive
it's scary to freefall wonder
if you lose your certainty
you may need some ole time religion
or some medicated apathy.

breezy

2009-08-09T11:01:00.000-07:00

A little blues harp goes a long way. Zero blues harp goes even further. I had to say this to my boss when he suggested my music needed more harmonica. We were listening to Prairie Home Companion. Sometimes this show makes me smile, but more often I get so annoyed I want to smash something.
I fantasized about being a breezy person at the grocery store this morning. I imagined I could be the kind of guy that catches a ladies eye. I had a vision of myself cheerfully shopping and engaging other people with a lightness.
I took my groceries to the parking garage in the basement. Two sporty cars came racing into the garage doing a lap close in on each other. What the fuck is this, I wondered. I realized that I am at a certain age, and that I do hate young people more and more. I think their styles are moronic, their vision uninspired. I'm one to talk. The sandcastles of my imagination are forever sabotaged by my blue collar inner voice.
I fantasize about a certain discipline to create each day.

2009-08-07T07:27:00.001-07:00

After:

2009-08-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

Before:

2009-08-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

Finally a goddamn piperack
now i just need some spackle for my butt-crack

Pliers In Fishnets and Heels

2009-07-31T10:53:00.000-07:00

A strange thing can happen to sprinkler men in triple digit heat

My office

2009-07-24T07:52:00.000-07:00

The Dark Arts of Wirsbo

2009-07-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

I heard three quick shots last night at around 2:25. I hit my indiglo to check. It sounded like it came from uphill by the Safeway maybe- or that AME church. About a minute later I heard a car racing down MLK out the window. The getaway perhaps? I waited for sirens. None.
I wasn't gonna be able to go back to sleep now. Not out of fear though, the stray bullet would have come through the ceiling by now. I went to bed too early. Four pints of IPA after work- some Indian food, slept like a good British soldier.
I started thinking about all the shit I'm gonna need for the new install in Lake City. I'm gonna want Ben to crawl into the space in the garage and roto-hammer the wall and get pex out under the stairs for our point of connection. He's a limber young motherfucker. I'm not too fat to squeeze through those studs-yet. I'd figure I'd dazzle him by complimenting his skill at the dark arts of Wirsbo. He'd get a kick out of that phrase. Then his ass would be bent up in a dark hole under some stairs. Yes, a good place for him. It brings a smile to my face. I'll be outside thinkin' up some more shit.

The Skirt

2009-06-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

aw come on dont be that way
find time for your muse
even if she's taken all your money
your time and spirit
even when she's taught you learned hopelessness
she's led you on, told you you were the only one
turned you out for all to see and adore forever
so you chase that skirt around the ghost town
wasn't she just here?
wasn't she just on this empty barstool last year?
No, she's been out with all those younger guys.
She may visit from time to time
but you better get used to the view
of the lonesome landscape and cafeteria food

collapse

2009-06-02T17:27:00.000-07:00

2009-06-02T17:25:00.000-07:00

A believer of John Cheever

2009-06-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

he took scissors to his self image like a troubled teen
wanna fuck every bitch how can you hide your face
how long can you live with a poison drip
pretty good at faking a smile jolly good fellow
heard something on writers almanac about a guy named Cheever
used to drink too, and felt like he had his nose against the pane
a voyeur to everyone else's well lit happiness.
Somebody stole my schtick

Beetle-rot Steeples

2009-05-25T07:04:00.000-07:00

there are too many passwords
I just dont wanna do this any more
too many uphill battles
Chief Joseph of the home made rock and roll crowd
passions punished, desires thwarted
I got burnt arm hair smell like Icarus
one failed parachute-
and the jowls and stare of a working brute
i forget what I'm supposed to dream about
I look forward to pissing beer on the beetle-rot steeples
and needled floor of the sawtooth mountains
Stare at the campfire and do my best at the family's interrogation.
Better find my moment, better find a place to live in it.
But for now its time to go to work.
Better get the shit in my truck figured out.

Hie March

2009-02-19T08:08:00.000-08:00

I reeled outside the bar
the thought kicked my throat and forehead
if something should happen to you
in a february abyss, the darkest mornings
realizing we are short lived sparks
still part of everything, there is no alone
moms and dads sustain, friends remain
until it doesnt end again
it's fear that wins in months
that rhyme with scary

Sin Of Envy

2009-01-26T06:32:00.000-08:00

deadly sin where to begin
envious of the globetrotters' push pins
making a wish list as a way
to walk in the artillery rounds
and die swimming upstream
cant afford that dream so pretend
come on you little ox
this is your marathon
get yer yoke on

Swearing

2009-01-20T08:05:00.000-08:00

bible and motorcade
the reins of violence
brass and rubble
the pagentry of insulation
a celebration of myth
perhaps a change of course
an inevitability of course
wait and see
hope is ok with me

Folk Song For Sherwood

2009-01-19T05:46:00.000-08:00

Sherwood Schwartz used a crazy font
On Gilligan's Island and on the Brady Bunch
On one hand goofy and also groovy at once
Sherwood Schwartz used a crazy font

Sherwood Schwartz had a laughing track
One strange guffaw keeps coming back
Vietnam was far away and booby trapped
Sherwood Schwartz had a laughing track

Sherwood Schwartz had trouble with Reed
on script and storyline they rarely agreed
a hidden lifestyle and a jones to feed
Sherwood Schwartz had trouble with Reed

Sherwood Schwartz is still alive at 92
he's from Passaic and he is a jew
he wrote the shows and their theme songs too
Sherwood Schwartz is still alive at 92

Calling All The Charlatans

2009-01-13T07:17:00.000-08:00

Somewhere in time between nights end
And the new days shoes I wake up in
Turn my face to yours, chase the darkness out the door
I don’t suppose we gave it host
Or meant to, now it’s in too close
The light grows short a few more spins
The days grow wide and bright again

Calling all the charlatans,
we’re falling for the cunning ones
One too many standoffs have begun
Shaking all the statues down, aint it funny how that came around?
Every pilot blinded by the sun.

I didn’t mean to cheer so loud
Where being cheerful’s not allowed
Future is a tightrope wound
The slowest learner hits the ground
I burned the scene with you asleep
The one good mattress soul to keep
Light grows bright a few more spins
Days implode and night begins

Calling all the charlatans,
we’re falling for the cunning ones
One too many standoffs have begun
Shaking all the statues down, aint it funny how that came around?
Every pilot blinded by the sun.

The envelope was written wrong
The numbers shouldn’t take this long
The night time drives the sky and then
The morning sheds its starry skin

Calling all the charlatans,
we’re falling for the cunning ones
One too many standoffs have begun
Shaking all the statues down, aint it funny how that came around?
Every pilot blinded by the sun.

Madison Valley Forge

2009-01-06T16:36:00.000-08:00

Got to shake off the early afternoon beer- the deadly January depression hovers like an executioner. There are uninterpreted signals from every direction. There is an unfriendly neighborhood. Must walk around to shake this chemical process. Got to focus on something positive. Its important to be recognized. Its important to be needed. Connection is temporarily suspended. Who do we have? Do we still have each other? Good, I can see you.

Raccoon City

2008-12-30T07:30:00.000-08:00

He lay awake nights, afraid of the new neighborhood. Afraid of his new house and its hostile windows. There were far too many houses glowing on the hillside, with an unbearable inky darkness connecting the yards. Separating his hillside of stark raccoon eyed homes from the east hill was a frightening throughway arterial, where the fancy cars as well as beaters raced their way to more vital parts of the city. He missed the old neighborhood nestled between two dense commercial districts. Living in the woods is scary, and it always has been since childhood. There are bars here, and faces to get to know. They are a hike away. There are no familiar TV shows tonight. There are just branches outside the windows and raccoon eyes in the black. There are no comforting neon or internally lit signs from any sightline. He reminds himself about being a grown man. He shuts his eyes and puts the dread to bed.

Solstice light savings

2008-12-17T12:36:00.000-08:00

somewhere or time between nights end
and the new day Im awake with thirst
from the prior dissipation
and remember the darkness we danced in
and gave host to a few hours ago
and in reaching for your shoulder
I remember there is light,
just as much or more
sunshine stored through the winter
The days only grow short a few more spins
and before this mad christmas even
the light will grow a little longer
each spin
I'll outgrow the envy for moldy poets
that fucked around
and fictional toughs
and reflect and revise my myth
and honor the one I chose to share it with

Crystal Ball

2008-12-13T13:55:00.000-08:00

the future is an amateur treadmill
a palette for mistakes
repeated folly and lucky breaks
calories unburned, candles cracking aching.
The future is a tightrope for the slow learner
and indecisive lane turner
the past are pruned limbs, ignored lessons, and
pardoned treachery.
Glory is only so because it comes as one big surprise.

Scumbag Drawllim

2008-12-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

Flawed Glacier

2008-11-26T07:18:00.000-08:00

thanks for the talk
it didnt fix anything
a good peek at the shit I'm full of
It's best not to try and understand
how it feels, flawed and ugly
envious of other flaws
static and glacial

Let's forget

2008-11-25T07:29:00.000-08:00

i'd have a lot fewer troubled thoughts
if i could let go.
just let it go
and forget it.
cant.
I'll be at the bar.

cognitive toxin flypaper

2008-10-27T06:05:00.000-07:00

calling all charlatans
I'm seeking a wise one
that peddles the answers
and deflates my muse
I'm haunted by conquests
unwritten by angels
come sell me a new light
to relight my fuse.

Anvil and Kite

2008-10-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

she thinks i'm a kite
I'm more like an anvil
wrong end of a magnet
more still than tranquil
turned off and shut out
kicked out of the posse
the lanterns and showcase
has ridden the landscape
the perfect proportion
of one hidden handshake
of tree bark and statues
can opener handguns
one reason too many
and serious standoff
no bridges left spanning
no comic book torture
toll roads drained empty
from premature rapture
rat trap collapture

Weight Of Line and Intersection Lyrics

2008-10-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

New Album lyrics

I TOLD YOU TO GO

Were you willing to bet?

You could outrun those cells

You lost the race

I saw you wasted away

Saw you lying in bed

Learned that it doesn't get

Much prettier

You know it took out my knees

I told you to go,

I told you to go

And I have never felt strange about that.

No time to prepare

Or remain unaware

I have my strength

I can put it away

My crying is done

I can help everyone

Just form a line

We comfort this way

I don't miss you anymore than I did then

if I forget you it will trouble me, trouble me no end.

EVAPORATE

never thought id see

the jealous coach in me

you got your crowd on hold

they all do what they're told

how would it be?

she takes your picture for free

she and your webhost don't agree

hey, careful what you say

they'll evaporate, they'll evaporate

your charming currency

is wearing thin with me

so good at blowing smoke

your fire's needing stoked

she tires of you

you lament and rue

at least the songs you write come true

stickers on our car

tell us just how far

we think apart

that's not my fault

ill try to be

open to a degree

today it just doesn't feel like me

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE

every thought a clue

every mood a door darling

let the newsmen go

toward the age of defeat

in a landscape of war

every hug is a lie

if my hands weren't tied

I would

will the rope come down

a familiar road to a new burning place

troubled by the disconnected

and the discontented spans

of a borrowed day

and I just have to say

Where do we go from here

why do we always fail this

what have we learned from this

what of it was worth saving?

autumn's walk takes a toll

cause my mind's on a roll- I'm reading

quotes from my noteworthy friends

colored calendar shells

every woman I've faced

It's a room built for one

in a lifetime of two people

thoughts get mixed on the floor

alphabetical drawers, every lover needs space

MYTH TO STRUGGLE WITH

you said go ahead

and get it over with

is it just a myth that I struggle with?

how on earth could I juggle all of this?

seems so petty now I'm ashamed

I'm like a little kid

crying over cake

you can't take me anywhere

my eyes are everywhere it's punitive

sometimes the talks don't work

I can't get rid of it

the moon looks the same in other time zones

A luxury I can't afford to miss

I don't often get myself mixed up in other worldliness

have you seen the deus ex machina?

is that what you want for your dénouement

words can't measure out the time we drifted

miles speak only to the tires tread

success has always been a hidden metric

slung on wired fallout that the hurtful said

headlamps light the interstate

Taillights fall away to outer space.

BURN OUT THE LAMPPOSTS

I don't burn out the lampposts like I used to do

I don't paint the town any other hue

I don't bring the seasons any kind of joy

Don't kung fu grip me like your other toys

took my chucks for a walk and kicked a can or two

need a friend right now to kick the time change blues

I'm like the Yukon not a province yet

you're my Alaska now the sun won't set

Last Sunday

I fired a flare toward you

it read:

Do you find me in any private thoughts?

instead

of the one who makes you happy?

the one good reason to keep this to myself

NOTHING DOING TODAY

Nothing doing today needs done

Unplugging the ocean, unplugging the sun

You're gonna die trying

It's still trying to wake

It's too icy a season to be comfortably safe

Barricaded by the past

It's a naked jib across your mast

You answer to no one

You're accomplice to none

You're the worst kept secret on everyone's tongue

days are brighter now than they ever had to be

Sometimes forgotten scenes are the best part of the scenery

Like snowflakes in the sand, they drift away

Tortured tourist in the cracking storm

Tattered cases weathered, worn

Guitars are tougher than guns, and nothing's tougher than drums

I can feel the new season on the tips of my thumbs

NOTE THE WINDSHIELD CAUGHT

It's time to write the songs,

when no one's biting on the west coast

the right shows come along

a pile of demos headed for the thrift store

Its time to fix the van

and ask ourselves the harder questions,

is it time to change the plan?

we're going broke paying for the sessions

there's daylight on the bench seat,

a strange indifferent parking lot

the waitress has found your keys,

a note that the windshield caught

the one thing we forgot

its time to check the map

find another road around the mountain,

a reoccurring theme

the smell of gasoline and soda fountain

time to change your strings,

It's the grime that builds and breaks the next one,

a temporary chime

that breaks the weight of line and intersection

no one's volunteered to jumpstart our career

we'll drive on have no fear. Have no fear

is this our new home?

steel plywood and foam?

the only seed we've sown, the only way that we've known

all that money owed, waiting to be towed

its time to write the songs

'Cause no one is biting

APOLOGY

Sorry we fought--how are your injuries?

I know that you got a face full of inquiries

I know that it's not a good apology

accepting day

I'd buy you a bike

so you could ride away

and get us some smokes

but that was Saturday

and Sundays need strokes

and Monday

just needs some encouraging

but if you see to it that I am paroled

I'll see you to your easy chair when we're old

now I'm out of work let me boss you around

there's pictures of us there on the window sill

I'm taller than you -your heart is bigger still

apartments outside pink in the morning sun

there's hardly a tree in Ballard

now I'm out of work let me boss you around

now you need some time and you're kicking me out

but if you see to it that I am paroled

I am paroled--- I am paroled

ROY ORBISON (Bob Reed, Overwhelming Colorfast)

Sixteen years of anger

Seven more of pain

Leave it all behind you

In the falling rain

And I know how it feels to be the lonely one

Its not just me, you could take it from Roy Orbison

Was it ever worth it?

Always wanting more

Saw myself in pictures

Falling on the floor.

And you can't see for the teardrops falling down

And you think there's something wrong

You know it probably is

Could you stop to believe

It will all work out?

END OF ALL THINGS

Never bought into the goodbyes but rather

lived in those moments

now the moment has left me and wiped out my interests

feels like the end of all things

Feels like the end, feels like the end of all things

she has the kind of smile that hides all things

the kind of smile that hides all things
from her toes to her barbed wire strings
from the fleshy part of the winter
to that skinny part of the spring
we were picked on and pulled to pieces
it felt like the end of all things

There is a critter on my face

2008-09-23T16:31:00.000-07:00

more sleepless nights please
more guilt and shame
more restlessness and resentment
more worry and regret
and hopelessness at night, please
it gives me that edge at work.
I look scary now with my beard
it moves me closer
to father's path
of hirsute anxiety and middle age.

Whisker Face

2008-09-02T17:00:00.000-07:00

Im feeling strangely ostracized and dead
A new yellow September melancholy
Im going to disappear into my beard,
Like Al Gore
Disappear into walks with the wife
And clipping the cat
Touring the gardens of Wallingford
Windbreakers and holey sneakers
The failure of broke
And missed relatives
Idaho is unaffordable
Tantalus awaits a paycheck
To release his record
Poor guy has poon fever.
And a spreadsheet vice tally.

Gravy laden minge
Makes everybody cringe

Something For The Wife

2008-08-25T04:46:00.000-07:00

are you troubled baby
can i ease your worried mind?
can i reach into your shadows
and set the dark on fire
can I light up all your windows
carry the blazing sun
tear the curtains open
collect the yarn you've spun
prune your history's hedges
misplace your morning bets
clean your mystery's messes
collect your evening debts?
Abrade the shoreline rockeries
with my steady ocean's steam
return the shoegaze glossary
to the producer's losing team?
Is it good enough to love you
am i good enough to have you?

Get Out Of My Wheelhouse

2008-08-14T06:51:00.000-07:00

pusillanimous ponce
swaddled infant boy
a traitor to your orchids
a burglar of my time
a spinning Leslie speaker
needy and attention starved
perhaps now jobless
the real starvation begins

If You Live Long Enough

2008-08-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

You get a few answers here and there
Sometimes it takes twenty three years
to learn the name of some punk band you
had a mix tape of as a kid
and knew the words but had no liner notes
and no one you've asked since remembered
were too high
passed along
recorded from speaker to speaker
bad edits
way before the internet or cd-r's.
Out of left field
in some smoky basement speakeasy
you learn this from a kid spinning vinyl
who was in diapers
when you considered angry cool.

Richard Scarry Busy Town

2008-08-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

today I will be a cheerful man
and drive my truck around the town
in my grubby clothes
like a Richard Scarry cat
and mix in with all the other Richard Scarry contractors
driving around their cartoon vans
a menagerie of cars and planes
bridges and ramps
tools and hats
cheerful today
is the goal.

Ruby Shooz

2008-08-05T22:31:00.000-07:00

just glanced at a good friend's baby blog
She is a lifelong friend of mine
She mothered a child with my drummer
We've known each other since we were babies
Like her baby
her baby is one of those movie star adorable babies
everyone says that
but I usually say babies are ugly, which they are at first.
Ruby is quite striking.
She's a toddler, which is a tiny drunk.
She comes from people I admire
I admire them because they expertly mock and deride
other admirable people

The Sky-High-lark Show

2008-08-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

Friday night's dizzy height
leaves the rest of the weekend
to feel torn and cast out.
I love this ride.
Cant wait to do it again,
just need a comfortable parachute-
and some close friends
to find me and cut me loose from the tree.

Flagged For Removal

2008-07-31T06:16:00.000-07:00

libido
albatross
guilt
perhaps a better calendar year
perhaps no more years
overextended your joy credit
a mountain of misery interest
Its your fault your father's sin
you should be ashamed of your dick
Its hurt everyone you love
it should kill you

This Is Garbage.

2008-07-27T17:02:00.000-07:00

come and take me
when the insurance is ready
I've overstayed my welcome
and there's no life's work left
the opus is shelved
the losses are cut
a final vacation
a swift kick to butt
tiresome and tedium
the joyless get worse
no enemies but circumstance
predilections perverse

What Osama said to Salim.

2008-07-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

"Sorry Salim, I um, don't have any mastermind plotter positions available right now.....I do need a driver however. "

Round up the butlers, maids ,cooks, and caddy's
Stick it to the working class not those with rich daddies.

Sit!

2008-07-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

A panting dog on the car seat
is always pacing back and forth
anxious from the scenery
the odor of plenty
He's not grateful in this moment
He's not mindful his needs are met
The hierarchy is upside down right now
and he's sick to his stomach with desire
whimpering, whining, drooling
Shadddup! Lay down!

Older dogs give up give in
sigh and stretch
find a patch of sun
and dream your little doggie dreams.
thats a good boy.

A Well Worn Groove

2008-07-18T05:44:00.000-07:00

no compatibility, therapy
or heir to be
amber waves of shame
consistently
you empty bucket
hungry ghost
desire head fool
and aching one

The Gadget Mannequins

2008-07-16T05:48:00.000-07:00

an Army of One
Army Strong
Army: Not Everyone Gets Killed
Army: What Are You, Some Kind Of Puss?
We Eat IEDs For Breakfast
In today's Army you get all kinds of free shit to wear
in the desert sun
paid for by the fearful taxpayer!
We've got plenty of pay-day loan outlets located conveniently near our
bases.
Homesick? We've got Subways! Third Country Nationals
are busy making sure you eat fresh.
The Army Are Me!
Ow, The Army!
Im missing my Leggy, now sit on offramp and Beggy.

The Sea Captains

2008-07-15T21:11:00.000-07:00

no aesthetic moves me,
no style is in now for me
no dolby surround or pixar stunt
If it was up to me, all the girls would
be in sixties star trek uniforms,
but i would be crying in the bridge
there would be some goddamn problem in engineering
there would be some fucking leak somewhere.
some men get to thrive doing what they were born to do.
most men sit around and watch tv

All work no play

2008-07-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

I have forgotten how to play.
The rewards are small, like long uncrushed cigarette butts.
Summer reminds me of being ignored
thankfully left alone breaking bottles in the backyard
The last time I got away
was two years ago, I drank forty beers
in the pine beetle chewed trees of Idaho
reunited with my late teen friends
and my kid brother.
The guy Ive known since we were six
made me hike. He's all outdoorsy and organic now.
He used to get shithouse drunk seventeen years ago.
We both did, and there wasn't much else going on then.
There may have been some hard feelings about the groceries.
I probably drank more than my share of the beer.
There wasn't a guitar in sight, and that was fine.
I came back to Seattle feeling pretty good for a few days.
I wonder how many trees are left now.
It doesnt get cold enough in the winters to kill the beetles, these days.
I wonder how and when my dad is gonna die.
He's a good little beetle, snug in that trailer
chewing on the furniture, the occasional pack of smokes.

Belated Mothers day card

2008-07-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

I hate you, mom
I hate you for dying.
I wish I'd have died that day
six years before you
so you could have collapsed
at the emergency room
and been devastated.
you're dead to me, for real
fuck your memory.
Every song, painting, recipe
its all bullshit.
Fuck you for leaving me.

Hard Cheese

2008-07-14T20:16:00.000-07:00

You can never get what you want
havent felt this way since 2004
dont ever leave me, dont ever go
i cant afford to see my family
i cant afford to put out this record
i cant afford to live out my revenge fantasy against everyone
i CAN afford to drink
i can't afford to write more songs or tour.
Until all the debt is gone.
Until 2011.
I have friends that must be millionaires,
because they are always flying around.
Summer comes and they are here and there.
Some have been to Europe. Brazil. Thailand.
Ive never been to Mexico.
Ive only spent 6 hours in Canada stuck with a friend
who was denied entry.
I went to Boise this spring to get my piano and it
broke my savings.
I don't believe in Buddhist thinking about
not focusing on what you lack
I'm having the only fun I can afford right now-
bitching and self-pity
It is so very gratifying, it loosens up the
seratonin, gets the dopamine flowin.
I've been punished for being foolish enough to live a dream.
My sentence is spent in yards of dogshit and
thorny plants.
Thorny people with thorny needs.
I really dont give a shit about plants. I know how to dig.
Im really fucking good at it.
Im better than you at sprinkler work, troubleshooting, design,
and that is really sad.

2008-07-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

Another night of impressions and grabbed spotlight.
Foolish moves in youth's direction, a hollowed shell of transparent ego and desire
Penury's gift is to stop me from trying
My work is not my passion, and my passion is a lot of work.

Why Come I Like To Watch 'Cops'

2008-07-09T06:06:00.000-07:00

Because War On Terror rhymes with 'moron error'
because poor and unattractive people should get a chance to be on TV.
because I read about this in Fahrenheit 451, and it came true.
because I believe ninety nine percent of the force are decent blue collar working class guys doing a shitty job.
because its better than CSPAN, you get to see policy in action.
because of that catchy reggae tune
because I get a nauseous rush out of shaky camera work
and finally because I got nothin better to do, and I'm not above shadenfreude and voyeurism.

How The Beatles Ruined Everything For Me

2008-07-07T06:17:00.000-07:00

It must have been 1978, only fifteen years since the recording was made.
Only six and a half since I was. The spooky album cover with four half moon faces staring bleakly, almost like vampires to a little kid. A dusty paper smell, a 12" halo of worn away paper on both sides. Franklin gothic liner notes, my step-mother's teenage signature. It seems they all marked their records back then.
I had my dad or step-mom (she was still just Dad's girlfriend then) put the record on the turntable a little out of my reach. There were speakers in a different room in which I had to close the door and be alone with this aural pornography.
At first the rotating Doppler hiss and crackle of terrifying anticipation.
Then a jerky stutter of farty sounding electric wood. After the third time around it builds to a wicked sounding bent note.
Lennon sings the word 'understand' very seriously. This was a heavy intimidating word to me as a kid, because usually an adult was staring down at you during a scolding that always ended with, "Understand?" and a menacing look.
Just before he thinks you'll understand, McCartney's bass does this little roller coaster trick that kind of gives you this weightless back of the schoolbus bump sensation.
I realized then I was born in the wrong time. I would look forward to a lifetime of anachronism. I would opt out of school dances in my teens and be awkward and mal-socialized. I would closet my fetish of 60's pop and hope my peers would never hear it outside the walls of my house, and out me for the non-Van Halen/ Metallica pussy I was.
I would always live in the wrong place too- and too late to be close to anything vital and cool.
Punk rock was somewhere far away from Pocatello, Idaho. It was somewhere in Salt Lake City perhaps, or California. Not that I would have the balls to dress like someone who needed their ass kicked.
Now that I'm in my mid-thirties I live in a bigger town, and I'm friends with people of the same fetish. It seems to me they had a more rounded adolescence, had more fun.
Thanks Beatles. Thanks for ruining my life.