How The Beatles Ruined Everything For Me

It must have been 1978, only fifteen years since the recording was made.
Only six and a half since I was. The spooky album cover with four half moon faces staring bleakly, almost like vampires to a little kid. A dusty paper smell, a 12" halo of worn away paper on both sides. Franklin gothic liner notes, my step-mother's teenage signature. It seems they all marked their records back then.
I had my dad or step-mom (she was still just Dad's girlfriend then) put the record on the turntable a little out of my reach. There were speakers in a different room in which I had to close the door and be alone with this aural pornography.
At first the rotating Doppler hiss and crackle of terrifying anticipation.
Then a jerky stutter of farty sounding electric wood. After the third time around it builds to a wicked sounding bent note.
Lennon sings the word 'understand' very seriously. This was a heavy intimidating word to me as a kid, because usually an adult was staring down at you during a scolding that always ended with, "Understand?" and a menacing look.
Just before he thinks you'll understand, McCartney's bass does this little roller coaster trick that kind of gives you this weightless back of the schoolbus bump sensation.
I realized then I was born in the wrong time. I would look forward to a lifetime of anachronism. I would opt out of school dances in my teens and be awkward and mal-socialized. I would closet my fetish of 60's pop and hope my peers would never hear it outside the walls of my house, and out me for the non-Van Halen/ Metallica pussy I was.
I would always live in the wrong place too- and too late to be close to anything vital and cool.
Punk rock was somewhere far away from Pocatello, Idaho. It was somewhere in Salt Lake City perhaps, or California. Not that I would have the balls to dress like someone who needed their ass kicked.
Now that I'm in my mid-thirties I live in a bigger town, and I'm friends with people of the same fetish. It seems to me they had a more rounded adolescence, had more fun.
Thanks Beatles. Thanks for ruining my life.